I'm Happy. Really!

I tried to make a funny on my status... But people started making me pity myself.

See... "Me & my boyfriend" just recently became "Me & my ex".

We're still friends, which is a little awkward sometimes because we both still like each other. The problem is, we just finished high school and we both might be going off in our different directions (you know, university and all)... and he's afraid I'm going to get hurt if we continue on this path. So, we broke up... 10 November 2010.

Obviously, I was upset, but I'm glad I havn't lost him from my life completely... because he's an awesome person. Sure, he's not perfect, but who is??? We're all just human. And I'm less perfect than he is. So I'd consider it lucky that I got the opportunity to have him in my life.

I know it's unhealthy now, but whenever I miss him, I visit his facebook profile. It's always been like that, even when we were dating. I used to just take a look at his picture and smile - I'd think to myself "I'm very glad I can call him mine". Lately, I've been going just out of habbit. When I start to miss him, I end up on his profile somehow and smile. Why smile? Because even though I can't say that he's mine anymore, I know that he was. And I remember all the good times we shared and the memories we have together and I know that it wasn't time wasted. 5months. On the dot. Like I always say, "Never regret anything that once made you smile" right?

Anyway so yeah, you can get the picture, his profile is very visited.

Now because of this, for a long time, it's showd up as a thumbnail on my "Most Visited Pages" on my Google Chrome browser. And I never really thought much about that, until the other day when he came over to get a track from my laptop and he saw his page right there on my browser's thumbnails. We started laughing about it, but I started to wonder what was really going through his head... Hmm...

Anyway, back to the status. I posted this today:

I visit your profile when I miss you... So sad; It's been automatically bookmarked on my "Most Visited Pages". I think Google Chrome is trying to tell me how pathetic I am. Wahahaha! = P

Like I said, I was trying to make a funny... Didn't work out so well.

People started commenting, making it seem like a sad topic...  Saying "sorry" and that I'd get over it... As if I'm depressed. Going all "Awww. Don't worry. It'll be okay. You'll find your Mr".

Now, you see... That's just sad. I don't want to hear that. Why would you think I want to hear that? I'm 17! I don't want to find my "Mr". I've never wanted to find my "Mr". Do they think that if I don't have a guy, I get sad and run around looking for somebody to take the place of the dude who just left? No. If that's what people think of me, they should slow down and get to know me better.

I don't go looking for any Mr. Perfect or for someone to be my "Forever". I don't always need to have a boyfriend to be happy. I'm pefectly capable of happiness without one.

So what if it seems like I always have a man on my arm...? I just keep bumping into them. Not my fault. When I like a guy and he likes me too, that's awesome. And usually that's what happens. But I didn't go searching for him.

In this case, neither of us were searching, but... He found me. And I found him. It was surprising. Neither of us expected it to turn into anything. We never expected to last long. But we gave it a shot and we ended up finding something real. I'm very glad we gave it a shot, even though it ended up this way.

Sure, I am sad that we're not together anymore, but that's not because I no longer have a boyfriend! It's just because he's not my boyfriend anymore. It's just... once somebody's been in my life like that, it's hard to just let them go. That's all.

So when people try to soothe me or comfort me by saying "Oh sweety, you'll find another one..." or "There's plenty of fish in the sea..." I secretly get a little pissed. Not at them, but at what they said. I can never get mad at people who care enough to try and comfort me.

It's just that I wonder if it doesn't occur to them that "So what???".

What if I want THAT one. What if I don't want another fish? What if I just hate that I have to let go of my NEMO???

I'm just a girl with lots of love in her fragile heart and lots of strength in her soul when it's time to let go... It's always going to hurt to lose somebody you get close to like that. So don't worry friends, I will be okay. Just let me deal with it my way. Give me the time to get used to the fact that he won't be around anymore. I will still smile and I will still laugh, but when it's time for me to be sad because I miss him, don't pity me. Don't make promises to go out with me to find a new guy, because I don't need another guy. Don't tell me bad things about him trying to make me feel better about losing him, because even though I lost him, I still care about him. Just be there and be a friend. Talk to me like nothing is wrong, because in a few minutes I'll be okay again.

Yeah, I miss him, but that's just it. I miss him. Don't make me miss myself too.

The only constant in life is *change*. You can't fight change...