Learn It

Boys should learn that there's a difference between "I got mad love for you" and "I love you".
Girls should learn that there's a difference between real love and teenage infatuation.
Teenagers should learn to stop abusing the word "love" unless they're sure they really mean it.
That's why people say the word no longer has any meaning.

[Just Saying]

The Will to Forgive

After sorting through my anger and frustration, and my feelings about him, I realized that if I just breathe deep and let it go, without a second thought, my heart would feel so much lighter, and the two of us could skip all this stupidity and go back to being us. I've lived by that. Let go of hate and anger, forgive but don't forget, just learn, and don't make the same mistakes again. I know what he did was because of his own stupid and misjudged decision, and some petty anger, but he realized he was wrong, and I know he didn't do it on purpose. I know he would never willingly hurt me, and that's enough for me. Love is never easy, but that's what makes it love. In order to truly survive in love, and stay together, people should learn to forgive, and learn from mistakes, and never make them again. People should not let any petty negative feelings get in the way of their love for each other, and always remember what is most important; Each other. The 1st Bible verse I ever memorize and the one I most live by, not just in my romantic relationships, but even my relationships with family and friends; all the people I love. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

And that's what I will always live by, including in this situation.
All must be forgiven, because I love him, and he loves me.

Leave me broken

A week or so ago.
Me & My friends plan a girls night out for the 9th of December.
I talk to him about our monthaversary he day before that, on the 8th, and ask if he wants do do anything for it.
He says no, we don't really have to do something.
Agreed. Girls' Night out is on. GIRLS.

Girls' Night Out.
We talked all night. I didn't sleep. I'm exhausted.
I meet up with my girls. We hang out. We see a movie. We go to dinner.
Halfway through the night, we get loads of phone calls from his best friend, asking us where we are.
We tell them we're eating, that we're not going to tell them (clearly this shows we're asking them not to look for us), and tell them we will find them after we've eaten.
A while after that, we get anonymously sent milkshakes from the waiter.
Clearly they've found us. We're slightly upset.
We all have drinks already and can barely finish what we already have.
They show up. So much for Girls' Night.
We over-react, still upset from them blatantly ignoring our wishes and agreements.
They leave. We eat. We finish.
We feel really bad for what happened and decide to end Girls' Night to go apologize and thank them for their sweetness.
While looking for them we run into another group of male friends having their own Boys' Night Out.
They decide to join us. They're drunk. I don't notice. I want to find him.
We agree to let them tag along.
We find him, his brother, and his best friend upstairs.
We rush over to apologize.
Everything goes crazy, the drunk boys start greeting them and taking pictures with us.
I still don't realize they're drunk.
I apologize. A lot. I feel really bad. He looks upset. I feel worse.
I apologize more. He's still upset, but he says it's fine and acts okay.
My close friend from the drunk group keeps taking pictures with us, and asks me to sit with him.
When he starts behaving clingy and over-hugs me, I realize they are drunk.
I bet he's mad. A few more pictures, and I get up and go back to him.
I apologize some more.
We remember that we left some of the girls at spur.
We have to go back for them.
Everybody else leave to return to spur. I stay.
I ask him to come. He's watching a movie. He can't. I ask again. He can't.
I say goodnight, and give him a kiss goodbye.
He didn't seem too angry.
We go back and hang out. Watch the drunks and laugh a little.
I don't want to be there. I want to go back. But he's in a movie.
Right before it's time to leave, I call him. No answer. I wanted another goodbye.
I wanted to know he was okay.
I still felt so horrible. I'm exhausted.
I give up and go home. I get home, and fall asleep.
I wake up after a couple of hours. I get on Facebook and leave another apology on his wall.
I still feel terrible about our over-reaction.
He's online. I say hi. Nothing. He's offline.
I can't sleep. But I'm exhausted. I send a goodnight SMS. Nothing.
I can't sleep. I watch TV. I'm exhausted. I fall asleep.


The Next Morning.
He still hasn't replied. I figure he's still asleep.
I have to go for a meeting. My mum refuses. I go back to sleep.
I wake up late. 3pm. He still hasn't replied.
I go on Facebook. Try to send him a message. I leave a post on his wall.
I send an SMS. I doesn't deliver. I send another an hour later.
It doesn't deliver. I leave a post on his wall. Nothing.
I send another SMS. And another. And another. And another.
Asking if he's mad at me.
Nothing.
I know he's ignoring me. I'm hopeful he's just busy.
... But my heart knows he's angry. Cuz I'm in pain.


Tonight.
My brother from South Africa comes. I put a smile on my face to welcome them.
I feel better.
We hang out, and talk, and catch up, and laugh.
We get hungry. It's time to cook. We make french fries.
In the middle of cooking. My brother SMSs him to say he's back in town.
He replies.
My heart breaks.
I feel my chest explode.
I'm in pain.
I leave the chips to my brother, and walk away.
I go to the bedroom and find him on Facebook.
I try to talk to him, and find out he has been ignoring me all day.
I thought my heart was broken before?
That was nothing compared to the pain I felt right then and there.
I logged off.
I ran to the bathroom. 
... and cried.
And cried, and cried, and cried. The way I haven't cried for over a year.
He talks to my brother and tries to talk to me.
My brother tries to talk to me about it.
My heart hopes he wants to say sorry, but my head knows I'm too angry to talk now.
So I ignore my brother. I ignore him.
After a couple of hours crying in the bathroom, I come out.
I cry in the bedroom, where my brother is still talking to him.
My brother says he wants to explain.
EXPLAIN? Not apologize???
Fuck.
I tell him to leave me alone.
I'm too angry to talk. I will swear,
I swear.
He feels no guilt. He only sees mine.
My apology apparently meant nothing, though he pretended to accept it.
More anger,
More heartbreak.
I end it. There is no more "US".
He gets mad again, cuz I'm angry, cuz I'm hurt.
He only sees his own pain.
I shout at him. I tell him what he's done to me. I can't do it anymore.
I end it.
It's over.
There's no more "us".
THEN he apologizes.
He doesn't want me to go.
But I can't go back.


Now
We're still talking.
He's trying to take it all back.
Can I forgive him again after leaving me broken?
We'll see...

Believe it or not...

Hate makes a heart grow heavy;
Forgiveness, even in the face of evil, is the only path to true happiness and satisfaction. To learn & practice this may take a lifetime, to deny it, a second...
... but the fact is: It's just the cold hard truth.
[Believe It]
♥ BitterSweet ♥

Pissed Off

Little girls!

The immaturity of it all!

You are NOT a woman if you call somebody else's boyfriend EVERY Friday hiding your caller ID laughing like idiots then hanging up, and then one night you decide to drunk dial him and tune shit like "You never talk to anyone so I'm afraid of you. I wanted to tell you that I'm in love you" then have your friend grab the phone and suggest he date you JUST cuz it's true: "She really does love you" [uh, no you don't or you wouldn't be doing this bullshit to him], meanwhile in the background you tune "I love you" over and over complaining about being tired of fantasies & that you just want him. That's weak, and stupid and immature and all it does is piss the poor boy off enough for him to hang up & call his girlfriend cuz he needs to be calmed down after your terrible annoyance; venting about how angry he is, wondering out loud who the hell you are and how you got his number, and then actually being forced to consider getting a new sim card.

Do you know how much couples who really care about each other hate seeing their counterpart angry??? It REALLYpisses a person off to see that somebody out there is causing their partner stress AND THEN HIDING.

Chances are, you know nothing about him cuz if you did you would know how much he hates your phone calls and how annoying your behaviour is! You DON'T know him, therefore you DON'T love him, cuz for either one to be true, your fear of him wouldn't exsist. You admit you are afraid of him, and therefore admit that you don't know him enough to see that there's nothing to fear, that he's the funniest, sweetest, most innocent person you'd ever meet, and you admit that by fearing him you don't love him at all.

That being the case, it's people like you who take ALL the meaning out of the word "Love". Almost everybody around the world has either given up on love or no longer believes in it because people MISUSE it. Throwing around the phrase "I love you" when you barely even know what love is takes all its meaning away, and now when people who are TRULY in love show it, people judge them and say that they are stupid and aren't going to last.

The fact of the matter is that just because you seem to be throwing yourself all over him like a desparate little whore does not mean that, just because he is a boy, he's going to float up to cloud 9 and start singing and dancing.

I have nothing against people who accidentally end up liking people who aren't single, because sometimes it can't be helped... but at least ATTEMPT to approach it MATURELY!

Do it however you want. Confront them, Talk to them, what ever... but don't try to hide yourself behind a private number and annoy the living hell out of them every week, whether or not a person is single, I am SURE that pisses people off.

GROW UP, stop being so immature, and leave him alone or apologize.

If you're reading this and you know it's you, you have been warned. If we find out who you are...

Watch. Out.

True Friendship

By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora

 [Monday, October 18, 2011 at 12:39am]

True friendship isn't about convenience;

It's about that special bond between two people called love that lives on no matter the distance or the length of time.

It's about being there for each other, and appreciating each other.

It goes both ways, and not just one.

It's about sharing each other's burdens so they aren't as heavy.

If you lost a friend to hate or indifference because they got sick of you, or you of them, then the friendship was not meant to be, it was only another obstacle in life that was meant to help you grow, and if you did not grow, it was pointless.

True friendship is eternal;

Nothing can come between it, not a crush, or a fight, or other people's disapproval.

True friendship never dies;

It may sometimes look like it has ended, but in the hearts of both, the love still remains.

True friendship survives;

When it seems like all is lost, and like the bonds are severed, the warmth in your heart when you see them smiling proves that it is still alive.

Being a friend is about more than just being the same, or being inseparable, or sharing personal belongings.

It is about loving, and caring, and kindness.

It is about sharing smiles, tears, happiness, pain, anger, and sorrow.

It is not about the quantity of the memories shared, but the quantity of the memories cherished.

True friendship cannot judge, or slander, or condemn.

It sympathyses, empathyses, understands, consoles, and soothes.

It is not about the how often you talk, but about how you speak to each other, what you speak to each other about, and how much these conversations matter to you.

It is about being stupid, and crazy, and retarded together, and getting in trouble together, and laughing about it later, insted of blaming or regreting.

It is about forgiveness, faith, trust, and love.

Wanting to see them happy dispite your own position, wanting to see them happy even when they no longer wish to assossiate themselves with you.

It is about defending them when they are being slandered behind their back, insted of joining in to save your other friendships.

About telling each other the painfull truth, or pointing out each other's faults or wrongs without any anger, judgement, heat, or disrepect.

They do what is best for each other, even if it is not what the other wants, but needs - and give each other the best advice, even when the other does not want to hear it.

It is about communication, without which trust and faith fade away.

It is about sometimes getting hurt, but understanding that it happens to everyone, and that all are only human, and making up for your hurtful actions.

It is about still remaining friends with somebody even though they disagree, accepting each other's opinions ond other friends.

About accepting that sometimes friends fight, and that it doesn't always mean the love is gone. It is about setting aside one's pride if it threatens to ruin the bond. 

It is about apologizing when you realise you are wrong, and not always letting one person take the blame.

It is about accepting each others flaws and weaknesses, as well as each other's strengths.

It is beyond jelousy, hate, anger, and fault.

Beyond insults, or grudges, or secrets, or pretence, or treason.

It is about loving them and accepting them for who they are.

It is about competition, and challenge, and sportsmanship.

It allows you to play games with insults and ridicule and rough housing towards each other in the spirit of fun and laughter.

... But the friendship always remains intact, even when it doesn't seem like it.

That's what true friendship is to me.

It's days like this I stop, take a breathe of fresh air, and appreciate all the amazing people I get to call my friends. ♥ MAD MAD MAD LOVE ♥
Real Talk ♥

This is for you guys!

Baby May

xxx

♥

Thoughts of a Teenage Let-down

By Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora

 [Sunday, October 9, 2011 at 5:55am]

Don't blame other people for the stress you decide to put on yourself. 

Don't call people selfish when you don't know how to give selflessly. 

Don't call people ungrateful when you only ever see peoples flaws & ignore their merits & forget to apreciate them. 

Don't call people mean when you walk around with an angry face shouting at & scaring people then saying you don't care when somebody points it out. 

Don't tell anybody they will regret something when you neither know nor care about any of their hopes, their dreams, or their plans to acheive. 

Don't assume you know somebody enough to predict their thoughts & actions when you've never bothered to try to get to know them. 

Don't try to predict a persons thoughts & actions by generalising behavioural patterns of their age group, because everybody has different morals & personalities. 

Don't expect friendliness from somebody when all their attempts at closure are met with a scowl, suspicion, and an unfriendly tone when you speak. 

Lastly... 

NEVER try to stop somebody from making their own mistakes by forcing them to learn from yours; 

Lessons in life are meant to be learnt 1st hand. By learning the hard way, people are challenged to gather their own wisdom & grow. 

Sometimes when you think you know what's best for somebody else, you're only puting them in greater danger to crash & burn when you're gone. 

Always GUIDE, Never CARRY. 

It is difficult to trust the ones you love to experience the rocky roads of life, but slowly letting go of control over them is trusting that they were raised to be strong when the hard times must be theirs alone to face. 

Trust is key. Without it, there is nothing.

Take me as I am!

Me

[Sunday 11 September 2011 - 0437h]

Sometimes I make mistakes, but sometimes I make you think I made a mistake, when really, the mistake was yours. My pride sometimes makes me say or do things that might upset people, but I always do my very best to put my pride aside for those I really care about. Sometimes I hurt people, but I always apologize when I know I've done wrong, and sometimes even when the wrong wasn't mine, becuz I try my best to see things from your perspective. Or maybe I just miss talking to you enough to put my tail between my legs and say sorry, even though you hurt me bad, and it wasn't me to blame.

So think about this the next time you decide that I'm not good enough;

Do you ever realize when you've made a mistake towards me?

Do you care enough to try to put your pride aside for me?

Do you think that I'm unbreakable, or that you're too good to hurt me?

Am I important enough for you to apologize first when you've done me wrong?

... Or is it always my fault in your eyes?

So if I decide to leave you to your space until you decide you miss me enough to say sorry, will we cease to be friends?

We're all human; that includes me. So if you hate me for being as human as you, then leave me be; just stop fighting me. I've given up trying to cling to the people I love, when they don't care enough to keep the bond between us unless I do it 1st. I've given up trying to be there for people who don't need me anymore. It's time to make the hard decision, and let go of the ones I love, cuz I no longer have the strength to hold on to them when they're not holding on to me back. The bonds are much too heavy now for me to hold up alone.

If you think I'm not good anough anymore, then let go.

This is a part of life. Life is BitterSweet.

This is who I am.

Take me as I am!

I'm done...

The world has too many peolpe tryna be right...

Tonight I had an small argument with someone that I love, and it made me have an epiphany.

Some wise people say that there's always two sides to a story. Some say that there are three.

In reality, all there is to it, is a complete and utter lack of understanding. The third side does not truly exist.

It is just that one side sees it this way, and the other sees it that way, but once both sides are confronted and the pieces are put together, an understanding can be reached and the truth will be revealed. Therefore, all sides are eliminated.

This year, I have lost a few friends that meant the whole world to me for this same reason.

I said something, that in my mind, was a goodwill to them and a desparate cry for comfort.

One person read it and immediately assumed it a rant on them and a way to place blame.

This caused an argument, and soon a war.

Even after the truth had been established, the hot war did not really end, but turned into a cold war between two sides that used to be united... All because nobody wanted to seem wrong.

Tonight's argument caused me to see that arguments, in the end, are always about one thing only.

Victory.

Even in myself, I have seen this.

In the middle of an argument I realise I'm wrong, but continue to argue and desparately hold on to my anger just because I do not want to look stupid by losing. In fact, the anger increases simply because of the realisation that I am wrong, and I am sure that this happens with everyone, cuz I've seen it first hand.

It is human nature.

I realised this only because I'm able to control this with one person, because I have lost too many friends and too many "significant other"(s) and too many "familia"(s) to let an argument drive a dent between me and somebody I care about this time.

During an argument, I stop and think.

I know this person is wrong... but I do not want to fight because I care about them.

I've stopped, I've thought about it, but my pride (human nature yet again) keeps my anger intact.

So I breathe.

I breathe slow and deep until I force the anger out of me, and it takes all my energy and effort, but once I manage to force a smile out of me, the anger dissapears.

So right here and now I have made a decision.

My life would be so much easier if I didn't fight for my right to be right... even when I am.

Next time somebody has a problem with me, even if it is a stupid one, or if I don't even know what it is, I will apologize, step aside, and leave them alone to cool down, and if they still have a problem with me, then they can just leave me alone. I do not need to impress or please anybody who has a problem with who or how I am, and the people who truly care about me will in turn realise what has happened and leave it at that.

And those who believe I actually mean something to them, those that think of me as somebody in their life that they don't want to lose either will stay by me even after I actually was wrong.

So I'm done trying to be right.

I'm done arguing with the world.

I'm just going to keep my cool, and take the bullet.

I know when I'm right, and when I'm trying to help, but if people don't want to listen, then they win.

"I'm sorry"

The world has enough people tryna be right.

Margaret Nicolas Decena Alpajora

9 August 2011 [0006h]

I believe...

Inside the mind of Baby May

[Moday 1 August 2011 - 2037h]

We may not all believe in God.

We may not all believe in the same Religion.

Some of us may not even believe in Religion at all.

... But something I've realized is that Religion and beliefs bring people together.

People of the same belief come together in the most loving and extravagant ways I've ever seen.

And it's beautiful... at times.

What's ugly is when the different beliefs turn agaist each other.

Science VS Cosmic force & Destiny

Muslim VS Christianity

Anglicans VS Catholics

Atheists VS Believers

It's all very silly if you ask me.

We may believe in different Gods, and some may not believe in one at all, or in prayer.

And that's cool, cuz our varying lives are what drive us to believe in what we believe in.

But I assume we all must believe in something...

Something more than what is tangable, or what the eye can't see, and that we hold sacred;

Something that we can hold on to when life begins to get too challenging.The beauty that I see when people are brought together by their beliefs is truely AMAZING!... But I believe that we should all just let our beliefs be our stronghold without bringing down what others hold on to, even though it's not the same thing as you.

I admit, sometimes I lose sight of my faith and forget what I'm supposed to be believing in,But faith comes in different forms and the one thing I will never lose my faith in is the LOVE everywhere around me; Religious Icons, Family, Friends, and everything above, below, and in between.The tattoo on my back, the Japanese word for "LOVE" represents just this.It will forever remind me that no matter how many times my heart gets broken, no matter how many friends I lose, no matter how many fights I have with my family, I will always remember to keep love in my heart.

What good is it if I give up on it completely, forget to move on with life cuz life moves on whether or not we move with it, deprive other people of a chance because of other people's mistakes, deprive myself  of the chance to maybe have some really cool new people in my life... What good is all that? Love is worth the risk.

You may find people who stab you in the back sometimes, but the risk is proven to be worth it when you realize that you have also found people who really care about you. I will always love.

Also, I look back and think about all the AWESOME people I've met through my shared belief (and those of you familiar with YFC? ^_^) with them and I feel warm inside to know that I have another "family" to turn to, to share fun times with, to go crazy with, and to pray for me and with me when I've lost my way =')

♥ I believe in Love ^_^

The Life I Never Knew

I probably should have posted this a very long time ago, but I've been really lazy...
See, I turned 18 this year. It's been a very hectic, yet awesome 18 years, and if I could turn back time, I wouldn't have lived it any other way. My life has been a real roller-coaster ride, and the people I've met and everything I've experienced in my life (the good, the bad, the ugly, and the hectically weird) have shaped me into who I am today, helped me grow and given me more wisdom than any 18year-old can ever ask for in their entire lifetime.

It's cool cuz a lot of my friends (and sometimes even people I barely know) like to come to me and ask for advice. I might have to thank YFC Youth for Christ for that. At my very 1st youth camp, in 2005, during the pray-over, when I was asked which of the 7 great gifts I'd want to be blessed with, I asked God for Wisdom, and it's amazing to find how much of it I've been blessed with over the years. Of course, it didn't come as easily as I thought it would. To gain this wisdom, I've had to face immense challenges and hard times, tears & heartbreak, sadness & happiness, or I wouldn't have any of it. This is one gift I treasure with my entire being. But anyway, I've drifted off topic... So these 18 years have been really something to look back on. My life has turned out pretty great, and I'm sure this isn't yet the best of it. This is the life I've known.

My name is Margaret Decena Alpajora. My friends call me Meg, and some call me May, because of the day I was born. I was born in Manila, Philippines on the 1st of May 1993. I've lived in Gaborone, Botswana for almost my entire life. I was told my mother (Marilyn Decena Alpajora, age 63) and father (Paterno Garrol Alpajora, age 51) brought me here when I was 6months old, after I was old enough to get on the plane. I've never once questioned this of course, and it was true, these two people did bring me to Botswana after my birth. I grew up here, with a pair of very loving parents (my teacher mom, and my engineer dad), my awesome big sister in South Africa (Anna Jailene Aguilar, age 39, Writer, and my inspiration), her son - my nephew (Ronnie James Botes, age 15) who likes to visit Botswana a lot when he can, and some really great amazing friends (everyone that's been close to me from the beginning of time up till now). All of these people have been so wonderful to have in my life.

I've lived a good life, not a wealthy one, but we've lived better than some of my friends and family living in some forms of poverty back home in the Philippines. I went to a good primary school, and soon moved on to get a good high school education. I graduated my final year (form 5) in 2009, and went on to the optional form 6, 2year, A-Level course (which I am finishing at the end of this year). We're still having a little bit of trouble with money, so getting into University is gonna be a battle for me. I want to go to America and double major in Journalism, and Music. But, I'm getting ahead of myself again...

The above is more or less a summary of the life I've known. There is so much more in between that has so much detail, so much drama, weirdness, craziness, fun, tears, heartbreak, laughter, sorrow and happiness that would take me a series of novels to tell you all about, but right now, a summary is all you need for what I'm about to say. As I said, I turned 18 this year, and I spent the month prior to my birthday in Johannesburg, South Africa, with my sister, her boyfriend Stephan, and Ronnie of course. Saturday, 16 April, we went on a roadtrip to Klerskdorp (the 3 of us, and Ron's friend Nick) and coming back from it, on our way home, my sister showed Ron something on her BlackBerry and told him not to show me. Then he showed it to Nick, and my sister showed it to Stephan. Obviously, I was curious as to why I was the only one not allowed to see it. They told me to wait until they could talk to me about something 1st before I could see.

Me being the kind of person with a very quick and heavy temper, I got mad at them and refused to talk to any of them, and no longer cared whether or not I saw what they were hiding from me, but the anger continued. Eventually, once back home, the anger faded and we jammed ps3 and chilled and looked at some old photos my sister wanted to show me of my mother's wedding to her biological dad (if you calculated my dad's age as compared to my sister's in the 3rd paragraph, you would have seen that we don't have the same father). Eventually the topic changed and I found out what they were hiding from me.

It was a message to my sister, from my grandfather, my real grandfather, the one I never knew I had. You might be wondering why I never knew about my grandfather. Well, I knew I had grandparents (dead all my life on my mother's side, passed recently of my dad's side), but see, turns out, these weren't really my grandparents. That night, on the 17th of April 2011, I found out about a family I never knew. My grandfather on my dad's side; Gil Watts, father of Victor Watts; My real dad. My grandparents on my mother's side...
Pat & Marilyn Alpajora, parents of my real mom; Anna Jailene Aguilar.

My name is Margareth Anne Victoria Aguilar Watts. I was born in Manila, Philippines on the 21st of April 1993. My fully Filipino mother had just finished her last year of university at La Salle. She had written her final exams while she was pregnant with me, at the age of 21, with all the support of her classmates and professors, and given birth to me without her mother's knowledge of me. My father was 18 years old, cute-faced, half American, half Vietnamese, and in a filipino Boyband (which explains my singing talents).

Of course it's not something small to find out that the person I thought was my sister my whole life is actually my mom, I have a half-brother who I've always thought was my nephew, and that my grandparents had taken me from her after birth, gone to Alabat to get a fake birth certificate on May 1, 1993, under the name "Margaret Decena Alpajora" and taken me to Botswana as their own child, because my "mother" thought it would become a scandal if anybody were to find out that my "sister" had given birth to me when she did, unmarried and jobless (especially with my dad still being so young), but after the initial shock (during which I could do nothing but laugh), it was cool.

They did it for her, and for me. I've lived a great life and like I said, I wouldn't have chosen to live it any other way (even though I'm a quarter American, and have always dreamed of going to an American high school and having a real fancy prom hehe). I still love everybody exactly the same way I did before I knew, and I still call them the same way too. My sis being my sis, and my parents being my parents, cuz after all they are the one's who raised me.

Apparently a lot of people have known. My older cousins, my younger cousins, my aunts and uncles, even some of my friends (cuz of Ron)! My "mother" didn't know that of course. She's been very afraid of it getting out, especially to me. They all thought I would freak out and that they would lose me or something. However, my older cousins have been telling my "sister" for years to tell me the truth, but she's been afraid I wouldn't be able to take it, and with me almost 18 already, she decided it was time, and we celebrated my real birthday there in SA with some Margaritas! ^_^

My father's side of the family, along with a lot of my real God Parents (what we Pinoys call Ninongs & Ninangs), has been kept in the dark from me all my life. I never knew a Victor Watts.

He's crazy & behaves like a total retard, just like me. An adult with a teenage brain, just like I know I will have. He's currently in a relationship with a Japanese woman named Sachi Ooking (and anybody who really knows me knows that I think Japan is the awesomest place ever, with the coolest people in the world), and is a Mixologist (fancy word for the cool Bartender who makes all the awesome mixed drinks). We don't talk much, but judging from all our posts, we're very similar. He's admitted to one of the people I keep closest to me that he was afraid I would hate him because of the fact that I've never known him, but I think he's awesome and I think it's great that I know him now. I hope to visit him during my Gap year, next year. That'd be awesome. He said he thinks I'm cool once. It made me smile =)

"I've come to the conclusion that I like you... you're kewl =P"

 So yeah, that's pretty much where I end this (for now maybe). It's late and my back hurts from sitting at the laptop too long. Hehe.

My name is Margareth Anne Victoria Aguilar Watts, and this is the life I never knew.

Bless Your Face

xxx ♥ xxx

Omijosh! Shoes 4days!!!

^^ Unbelievable boots! LOVE these! MUST have!!! ^^

 ^^ GOR-GE-OUS!!! **I'm in love!** ^^

 

**Dying!!!** Why don't I have shoes like these?

Okay... Seriously, I need these boots DESPERATELY!!! **Teardrop**

Life Goes On...

AHA!!! Proof! 2012 is nothing but a myth =P

The Fact: The Mayan Calendar does not predict the end of the world in 2012 

First of all, the Mayans don’t have a calender they have calendars which often interlocked. The calender that has given rise to the myth of the end of the world is the Mayan long count calendar. According to Mayan Mythology, we are living in the fourth world or “creation” so to speak. The last creation ended on 12.19.19.17.19 of the long count calendar. That sequence will occur again on December 20, 2012. According to the Mayans this is a time of great celebration for having reached the end of a creation cycle. It does not mean the end of the world but the beginning of a new “age”. Does the world end every December 31st? No – we go on to a new year. This is the same as the Mayan creation periods. In fact, the Mayans make many references to dates that fall beyond 2012. The idea of 2012 being the end of the world was actually first suggested by New Age religionist José Argüelles in his 1987 book The Mayan Factor: Path Beyond Technology.

2 Different People

A girl visits her boyfriend’s Facebook profile page to find that his relationship status is set as “single”

Girlfriend: Your Facebook relationship status says “single” =(

Boyfriend: I have family on Facebook. It wouldn’t be smart to put it as “in a relationship”

Girlfriend: Oh that’s not what I meant. I have family on Facebook too... Mine’s set as blank. Not “single”. Please do that too...

Boyfriend: Okay I will

Girlfriend: ^_^ Thank You

She logs on a few days after that to find that nothing has changed.

[Thinks: Well he doesn’t log on so often, maybe he hasn’t had the time]

She logs on again in a week to find that it is still the same, but he has updated his status and posted some messages on some of his friends’ walls. She starts to get a little worried but refuses to let her faith in him fall, even just a bit.

[Thinks: Maybe he just forgot...]

She sees him at school and asks him about it. He says that he hasn’t gotten around to it, but he will the next time he logs on. She smiles.

A few days later, it’s still the same. A week passes and nothing changes, even though he’s logged on again. A few more days pass and it’s the same story. She stay patient and faithful and doesn’t bother him about it anymore. A week or more later, she logged on to find that his relationship status was completely removed from the sidebar of his profile and her hopes lift up, but then she goes to the info tab and finds that his relationship status is there and it still say’s “single”. She gives up and moves on.

[Thinks: He probably doesn’t know how to make it blank]

She doesn’t mind. After all, he said he has family on Facebook. It’s safer this way.

She decides that since his family is on Facebook, it would be safer to inbox him instead of posting on his wall, but soon finds that a whole bunch of other girls don’t seem to have a problem posting on his wall. Most posts seem very flirty. And his replies look very flirty too. Those are his homies. That’s what he said. She trusts him and doesn’t doubt what he says one bit. She refuses to get insecure.

He’s always commenting on her pictures of their classmates and rugby games. He has never commented on a single photo of her. She figures it’s just to stay safe. His family is on Facebook after all.

He commented on his chick-homie’s picture. Of her. Looking really phly. The comment was very complimentary and very flirty. The girl felt very hurt and a tear rolled down her face. She wiped it away fast. He is different on Facebook. She has learned not to take his Facebook persona seriously.

His statuses become more vulgar and more wall posts from his chick-homies keep coming. So she decides that it must be safe for her to do the same thing. He always replies all these wall posts after all. She posts... and posts... and posts... but he never replies. But all the posts in between her’s get replies. She feels hurt. But keeps it to herself. He probably doesn’t notice... Maybe he’s just scared cuz they are all just his friends but she’s actually his girlfriend and he doesn’t want either of them to get in trouble. He knows she tolerates his Facebook persona because it’s not really him.  So he becomes comfortable enough to make jokes with their mutual friends that she can see as though she’s not his girl. He doesn’t treat her like his girl. Only in the inbox. She wonders why... She begins to worry again. But she will not question his loyalty.

He’s ignoring all her wall posts. He’s ignoring all her pictures. Yet he seems to flirtily reply to all his other friends. And compliment all their pictures.

[Thinks: I thought he said his family is on Facebook!!!  =’( *sigh* Oh well... I still trust him. Screw Facebook]

She refuses to let her faith in him falter... but she knows she’s hurt. She feels that sharp stab in her heart every time he sees him flirt. And every time he ignores her. And every time he compliments somebody else. It’s only his Facebook persona. It’s not really him. She keeps telling herself that. Outside of Facebook, he always treats her right. Everyone knows she’s his girl. So why so different on Facebook?

This pattern continues and she continues t tolerate it. They broke up eventually, but only because he had to move away and he believes that long distance relationships are just complications. They still act like they’re a couple though. And they spend a whole day together before the girl leaves for the Christmas holidays. She leaves to her home country for vacation, and he still hasn’t moved away. She promised herself not to let him go and move on to anybody else till he tells her "I don't want you anymore. That hasn't happened yet so she's still holding on.

She misses him very much. The Facebook persona still lives and flirts and jokes and unintentionally hurts. From so far away, the pain feels sharper, and longer. More agonising. She continues to tolerate the pain. Untill one day she couldn’t take it anymore and wrote this note.

I still trust that this Facebook flirt isn’t him. I still trust him. Either way, technically he’s not mine anymore right? That doesn’t mean I don’t still care about him. I’ll always care about him. In my heart he’ll always be mine.

Quote:

“Life's getting just a little more hazy and my direction's gotten just a little more unclear... but no matter what, and no matter how hard things may seem to appear, I'll never let it get me down and take my smile away. I know I'll get through it all, cuz I'll always remain true to myself and to the people I care about ^_^

Life's a bitch... but who cares!? So am I!

Eat that bitch =P”

Happy New Year Everyone!

Bless Your Face!

<3

Baby May

xxx